No doubt, as David recounted the other day, Memorial Day has become anything but in the eyes of most. Plain and simple, Memorial Day is about one group of people who share one common distinguishing denominator - they are U.S. military peronnel who died in the line of duty, serving with honor the country the America they loved. DUTY HONOR COUNTRY.
This past week I have tried to think what is the proper approach to Memorial Day. Obviously the word celebrate, at first glance seems to have the wrong "theme", for how do you celebrate the death of a soldier, sailor or airman in the line of duty? It should not be called a holiday for can it be proper to have fun and leisure on a day when we are supposed to be remembering those who died in the line of duty so we can remain free and prosperous?
So, what should we do? Simple to me, REMEMBER, for when we remember, we show respect for the sacrifice made on our behalf. For me, I will remember these things about my son and how we came to be a family whose Memorial Day was forever changed in an instant:
-The words on the phone as Mike's pit bull barked standing guard at our front door at 7:00 a.m. Tuesday August 16, 2005 - "Mr. Stokely, this is Major Hulsey and I am here with Chaplin Diccopo and we need to speak with you urgently". I dropped the phone and ran outside.
-"Is my boy dead" as I ran up to meet them in the drive way". "We regret to advise you..."
-leaning against my car with a feeling that a giant vacuum hose was in my stomach sucking all air out of me, not being able to cry, whimper, or even talk for what seemed an eternity;
-telling my wife who loved him like her own and hearing the most mournful sound I have ever heard come from the depth of her soul;
-seeing the steadiness of a 17 year old son, whose quiet demeanor and steeled eyes held a haunting message of grief when he learned of his beloved brother's death;
-hearing a 12 year old daughter cry as deeply as I have ever seen as she first learns the brother she so dearly loved, who talked of teaching her how to drive, chasing away her first boyfriend cheering at her graduation, and being the best uncle ever to her children one day, would not be not be coming home to share life with her;
-having to call his 20 year old wife of 3 months just after I found out the news of his death and "fake her out" as to why I am calling and not let on what I have just learned and keep her on the phone seventy miles away so she wouldn't leave for school and the notification team could properly notify her and support her rather than her being missed and then learning about it through some other source and while alone.
-going alone to Atlanta Airport and watching as they uncrated my son's casket as it arrived from Dover Delaware, and then draping an American Flag over his casket and then sharing a last ride to take "my boy" home as I did so many times over the years as he visited me on weekends, holidays and summers from age five months to the day of his last leave before going to Iraq;
-hearing, more than once, the words "he is a non-viewable body", knowing what that means, and later reading his autopsy report and more fully understanding why;
-riding in a seven mile long welcome home parade as thousands line the roadway with signs, flags, flowers, and business sign boards salute his return;
-a funeral attended by well over a thousand and a heartfelt moment when two soldiers wounded with him, and who I had worried so much about hobbling up on cane and crutches and embrace me outside the church
- a vicarious moment for me filled with relief to see that they were alive and they surely would live. Strangers with names I knew not just 11 days earlier, but now family for a lifetime to come.
-a ten mile ride to Corinth Memorial Gardens along a road lined with thousands as a procession followed that stretched for over a mile, signs abounding on both sides - "HERO", "THANK YOU" and so many other blessings and tributes were paid him.
-a final goodbye as the sound of TAPS and a 21 Gun Salute rivet my soul, followed by the folding of the flag on his casket as my heart broke even again
- Kissing the head of his casket, then laying a single rose with my hand written note of love on it as they sealed tomb and lowered him into his grave.
But, there are so many more things I will remember - God's answer to my prayer when he was born so premature and frail, maybe not to live - "God, please don't take my baby, please let me have my boy, even if only for a little while" and then having 23 years 3 months and 27 days of joy and blessing he brought to me as a father. He was the reason I met my wife, Retta; he was a reason she thought I might be a keeper. He was our ring bearer and dressed just like me - white tux / long tails and all, and gave me my most memorable moment ever - "Dad, we got shoes just alike" he sounded off so proudly right in the middle of the wedding vows bringing a roar of laughter from hundreds in attendance. He wanted a baby sister and even had a name picked out, but was o.k. with Retta and I having a son / his brother - but still wanted us to name him Sarah. He was always happy with what we had, and never complained for not having it better; he was the reason I became an attorney and he was willing to sacrifice so I could make a mid-life career change and practice law, and then again to become a prosecutor. He helped me build a political career in elected office, as well as helping others - including several judges, a state representative and a congressman. I wanted to quit afer his death, but then, his love for me in life, and the way he lived and served his country made it impossible to let him down by quiting. He had a trademark generous smile big as life, full of life. He cared about others, but most of all, he cared about his family. In the end, he cared enough about us all, that he served his country starting as a high school junior. In his last days in a place called Yusufiyah in the Triangle of Death, south of Baghdad, he was everything I just described to the soldiers and military brothers he served with. And, even in the midst of an IED explosion that took his life, he had that trademark smile, and caring about others as he watched his two buddies back while they checked the suspicious site out. He died a happy content husband, son, brother and friend who believed fully in the message of John 15:13: No Greater Love than that of a man who would lay down his life for another...
That is what I will remember on Memorial Day, along with a new appreciation for so many others who have come before us, and those who will follow. It is a special privilege of sacrifice, none which any of us wanted, but if we did not bear it, then who would? Memorial Day is about remembering, and I will remember a life time of love Mike Stokely gave us. No doubt, the price of freedom is not free.
Now, after having thought about it all, Memorial Day is a day to enjoy the freedom purchased at such a dear price, and it is a day to celebrate the life lived even as we honor and remember such sacrifice. I recall the words I spoke in the first few moments after we learned of Mike's death, as I told my family - nearly in the tone of an ORDER - WE WILL GO ON; WE WILL LIVE FULL AND HAPPY LIVES AS POSSIBLE; WE WILL NEVER FORGET HIM AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY, AND WE WILL REMEMBER HIM.
proud dad SGT Mike Stokely
KIA 16 AUG 2005 near Yusufiyah in the Triangle of Death south of Baghdad
US Army E Troop 108 CAV 48 BCT GAARNG
Trackbacked by:
Robert Stokely: Memorial Day - A Day to REMEMBER from Bill's Bites
Memorial Day, 2007 from Business of Life
Memorial Day from Oh ... Really
Memorial Day from Fuzzilicious Thinking
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