Okay why do the freaky ones always want to stand around naked?
Yesterday I go into the locker room after working out and there he is…no not NSG, but rather Alien Baby man. Alien Baby man (AB) is even weirder than NSG, not in that he likes to stand around naked, which he does. But that he spends so much freaking time in the locker room that it is impossible to avoid him.
AB swims, and I have to admit he swims very well, but you wouldn’t know that to look at him his gut sticks out a good 5 inches from his waist. We call him AB because this gut doesn’t go all the way around like it does on a lot of men, no his gut looks like he swallowed a basketball and its attempting to push its way back out through his belly skin. Which reminds us of that scene in Alien where the creature erupts from the one character’s chest. AB also likes to wear Speedos, *Shudder* which makes the protrusion look even more pronounced than it is. AB also smells, it’s a hard smell to describe it’s a medicinal smell crossed with fruit. And it lingers forever in the locker room, especially since he is so fragile that he can’t have any air blowing on him while he is in there so he is constantly turning off the AC. This has become kind of a game for us, he turns it off and we climb up on the chair next to him and turn it back on. I’m sure one day he is going to go off and I’m just waiting for it.
Anyway, yesterday I am greeted to the AB show as I entered the locker room. There he is in all his glory standing in front of the hand dryer. What is he doing in front of the hand dryer, you may ask? Why drying his ears of course. Yes you’ve got it…he is standing there bent over at the side with his ear pointed towards the vent which he has conveniently turned around so it is pointing up drying his ear. I don’t know about you, but I find Q-Tips much more effective.
I’m standing by my locker and he is there thankfully with his back to me bent over drying his ear when the dryer stops. He turns the dryer back on and turns to face me so his other ear can be dried. There he is, 60+ year old twig and berries hanging all out and his alien looking like its about to show itself drying his ear. I can’t take much more of this so I jump into the shower to escape his gaze.
3 minutes later he is still in the locker room and still naked, come on man how long does it take to dry off, slap on some deodorant and get dressed? Most of us can be in and out in less than 7 minutes and that includes actually washing up, what could possibly take so long?
He was still there and naked when I left, and yes, when I came back in an hour to use the crapper, the AC was turned off damnit!
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