Dumb Criminals the World Over

From Midnight in Iraq comes the top 7 lies told by insurgents.

All of these are 100% actual, satisfactual verbal exchanges I have witnessed.

Number 7.
Us: Where is your husband?
Them: He died in a car accident.
Us: Who is this guy?
Them: A stranger we invited over to take care of the family.

Number 6.
Us: [in Arabic] What’s your name?
Them: No speak English.
Us: That wasn’t English!

Number 5.
Us: Why do you have someone else’s birth certificate?
Them: I found it on the street.

Number 4.
Them: It wasn’t us that shot at you. It was three other masked men who then jumped in a car and left.[From three men caught with a trunk full of weapons, after having shot at us.]

Number 3.
Them: This isn’t my ID. It is his (gesturing towards detainee next to him).
Us: Then why is your picture on it?

Number 2.
Us: Why do you plant IEDs in the road?
Them: Because it damages the road and then the Americans fix it and make it better.

And the top insurgent lie I have heard.
Us: Can you show us where Bob (name substitution) lives?
Them: That will create a problem between our families.
Us: Right now you have a problem with us.